A Better Relationship for Valentine’s Day

Give Your Marriage A Second Chance

19 October 2019

Vicki Alexander

Have you been considering a separation or maybe even a divorce? Maybe you were wearing rose-colored glasses when you got married and you didn't realize that things would sometimes get tough. Now reality has hit and you are having more low spots than high ones. Are you willing to give your marriage a second chance before you call it quits? 

If so, from things you can do yourselves to make things a lot better to seeing a Christian marriage counselor, here are some ideas that might help you to save your marriage.

Try These Things First - Ask your spouse if he or she is willing to sit down with you to have a frank discussion. If you are Christians, think of starting your talk with a prayer, even if it's hard for you to do that when you're angry. If your spouse isn't willing to pray with you, say a silent prayer yourself. 

Begin by asking your spouse not to call names, but to just express feelings that he or she has. You can set the example. For instance, instead of saying something like You're just plain mean to me! express words like, I want to tell you that you have truly hurt my feelings. And, I know I have done the same. What can I do to say I'm sorry? Do you see how that will help to start a conversation in a calm way?

If you are able to have a talk with your spouse, think of actually writing down things you can do to make things better. For example, you could write down that neither of you should work longer hours than you have to. Or you could write down that you'll have at least one night or day away from your kids or any other distractions.

See A Christian Marriage Counselor - Your ecclesiastic leader might be qualified to counsel you himself or herself. If not, he or she will be able to refer you to a Christian marriage counselor. 

When you meet with the counselor, he or she will probably meet with each of you separately and then together, or vice versa. Don't be embarrassed to tell the counselor anything that is on your mind. He or she will have heard stories like yours during his or her counseling experiences. And, the counselor will have the training to be able to help you. 

The counselor will more than likely give you homework. For example, he or she might suggest that you ask each other something like, Is there anything I've done today for which I need to ask forgiveness? 

You'll probably see the counselor once a week at first. However, if you need more visits, that will be arranged, of course. As things get better, you may just check in with the counselor every month or whenever things get rocky and you need a helping hand.  

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